HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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