i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
