I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
