with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
