I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
