I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did i walk over a car last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
