UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
