Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
