my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Couch. On fire.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
