We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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