well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
