When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
