2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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