i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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