my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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