Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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