I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
