We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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