At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Green mimosas i think yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
