My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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