Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
