their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are the jesus of drinking
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
