she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
