I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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