So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
