Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
