just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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