In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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