Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
