ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
