I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
