I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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