Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
