just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
