Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
