i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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