me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
