Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
