i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
