Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
