I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
