There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
ttyl tear gas
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
