it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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