if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
