All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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