I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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