omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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