did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
