I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
