If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Small penises have feelings too.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
