12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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