my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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