U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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