Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
