Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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