My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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