My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
