I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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