$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
