remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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