Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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