Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
