I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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