I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
