Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
