mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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