so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
