It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
