Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
