i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
