Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That's intense
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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