But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
