i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
