hell yes lets make some ravioli
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
