He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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