He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
