Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
