I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
