yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
