Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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