I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
