Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
