Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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