Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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